Archive for the ‘ Rants & Moans ’ Category

Trade Shows – I love ‘em.

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

I was thinking this morning about how much I love trade shows. They’re full of brilliant characters and its always fun to see what swag you can nab from the stands.. so here’s my take on the whole phenomena.

Of course, some of these observations are not all about one venue or show – but an amalgamation of years of research and trawling through Trade shows and expos around the country.

You’ve got your pass in the mail, you’ve consulted the ‘seminar guide’ and circled the talks you want to go to.. so its time to hit the road and spend 3 hours travelling to the venue.

I love the walk from the over-priced car park where you’ve already been in line for 20 minutes behind overly excited sales-people and visitors to pay for your car park space.

Then there’s the delighful walk miles to the main door, around the back of the exhibiton centre, whilst you desparately try and mind- map the route to the front door so you can get back there later. You could of course wait 20 minutes for the shuttle bus which is caked in leaflets and plastic bags that people have deposisted there because they dont want to take them home- and feel a little disappointed that you’ve seen some leaflets that give away some of the secrets of what lies within the big doors to the exhibition halls.

You’ve inevitably chosen the wrong day to visit. Its ‘student’ day so you have to push past loads of Indy kids and teenagers smelling of Joss-sticks and Patchouli oil.

You eagerly attach your lanyard to the pass- and wonder why you have a green band on the badge whereas everyone else has yellow, what DOES it mean, I think I’m special because I have green. I am the best. Green means brilliance. The reality is probably that green meens ‘waste of space, dont even talk to me’

So you collect your show guide from the self-tanned brunette in tight black trousers and flat shoes, and decide ‘This year, I’m going to have a system, I’m going to walk up and down each aisle so I see everything.’

This lasts approximately 5 minutes before you’re distracted by a fire-breathing woman on stilts or a giant teddy bear handing out candy.

Once you wade past all the students looking at kit they can’t afford, you then walk up to stands displaying kit you have been reading about (but can’t afford) have a visit onto the stand that has the MOST expensive kit in the universe on, and watch men take photos of an oriental lady in a short skirt for their ‘special’ collection, whilst they pretend its for ‘testing’ purposes.

You become very disappointed with the lack of ‘free stuff’ at the stands. Surely it’s not already been given out. You manically collect plastic bags hoping there’s something other than a pen inside…perhaps a keychain, or a torch, or a torch keychain. Something. Not JUST leaflets. PLEASE!

A few stands grab your attention – but loiter at your peril. You’ve only just arrived and not in the mind-set of wanting some sales-person to chat to you.. so you loiter slightly further from the stand – ‘dont make eye contact’ you tell yourself.. dont.. make..eye..contact. DAMMIT she’s seen you..cue fake smile while she tries to see your name badge. You can hear her brain computing.. ‘name… occupation.. are they worth talking to?.. OH NO HE’S GREEN’ she stops smiling and looks away. WHAT? not even offer to scan your badge.. the ‘green line paranoia’ builds. Not even a M&M from their stand to keep your energy levels up. Anyway… Where’s the free booze?

Twenty minutes later you’re still trying to pry some cheap champaign off a stand. You know the only way you will get some is if you hide that damn badge and pretend you are responsible for a multi-million Euro budget and you may just consider booking their hotel for 5000 people and a 6 month conference.

Mission success! You have a glass of fizz and meander happily to the next stand – now you’ve got your patter sorted. Time to try and get pissed. Four glasses later, the heartburn has started, you’ve lined up for 20 mins to get a scoop of free ice-cream and you’re on top of the world.

So – seminar time. There’s only one, possibly 2 seminars you think are of real interest, so you make your way over to the pre-fabricated ‘seminar room’ located somewhere between the male toilets and the area where they push massive bins full of empty bottles past at regular 2 minute intervals. The only problem you’re not the only person who thinks that this seminar is going to give them the secret to unlocking your sales potential, or indeed how to do something on a shoestring budget. The line extends around the corner, past the stand giving chocolate hearts wrapped in red foil…you’re not going to get a seat.

You get a seat. At the back, in the corner, so you can make a quick escape. Seminar starts. Guy in ill-fitting suit on stage with a neck-mic set too low. He asks if we can hear him. ‘No’ we say. Mic volume is put up. Feedback through the speakers. Mic level turned down. Time to check Twitter on the phone.

You then realise you’re sitting in a plastic rectangle with a roof made from strips of material. This has the accoustic properties of a ruler and a piece of string. Coupled with the catering staff pushing bins on wheels full of empty beer bottles past the side of the seminar space you realise you’re on a hopeless mission- but you stick it out. You may learn something…

The presenter informs you he realises you’re all tired after walking round all day. He then makes you stand up and ‘get interactive’. He needs to demonstrate that you can communicate and win business without talking, so proceeds to make monkey sounds and wave his arms furiously. You leave.

For the photo shows, perhaps visit a seminar at Canon or Nikon where they show you the most ridiculously well shot images and try and convince you that with this camera you too can achieve images like that. They dont tell you its been taken by a photographer with 60 years of experience and processed using NASA kit, in zero gravity.

Lunch time.. whoa what a choice.. you’ve spied out the ‘eateries’ while you’ve been wandering.. you’ve tried in vain to get satiated by eating chocolates and canapes from as many stands as possible but you are weak. All this walking has made you hungry.

Why not grab an over-priced dry sandwich and a coke and not get change from 20 quid- OR spend 30 minutes waiting for a 6 inch Subway sandwich and not have anywhere to sit and eat it.

There’s always Pizza Express.. you have a voucher for that somewhere.. you check the small print.. ‘not valid in the Pizza Express you are currently standing next to.’ Of course its not. Dry sandwich it is.

A moment to contemplate the day so far.. and how long you can bear to stay for the afternoon..There’s a load of stands you haven’t seen, and you never know – THEY may have some good freebies.

3 hours later, laden with plasic bags and nothing in them apart from a mouse mat, pink stress ball and a badge. You make your way back to the exit.

Will you do it all again next year? OF COURSE you will!

Posted in Rants & Moans

No more FREE!

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

More and more the use of ‘social media’ is becoming some sort of ‘bargaining chip’ to get free work.

I’ve noticed this becoming more of a trend in the event & creatives industry. I’ve had chats with a few people and it seems it’s not just me who has experienced this. Basically each month I have a load of people asking me  for something  and and they don’t want to pay for it. It usually is followed by a ‘promise’ of something in return.. ‘I’ll twitter about you’ or ‘I’ll put you on my website’. You get the idea.

Then there’s the ‘showcase’ events. We all know these.. ‘If you give us a load of free stuff you can come to the event’ Promises of ‘exposure to new clients’ is a favourite one.

I had a great offer last year – In return for photographic coverage of an event, I was offered ‘membership’ of this collective of venues. I asked if this would enable me to be a preferred supplier to the venues- no it wouldn’t. I was offered the membership which had the cost of 1500 quid..but in return for this I had to do 1500 quids worth of work over the year for these people NOT including the event I was asked to shoot! What tosh.

I am known to be a bit of a grumpy old man, but think about how ridiculous this is. Imagine going into Tesco and telling them that you only want to pay 2 quid for a 10 quid product, or buying a DVD and telling them in HMV that you’ll talk about them on your blog. It’s just stupid!

Yet.. here we are in the event industry and it seems to be becoming the norm that clients ask us for something for nothing.. I don’t mean a discount (which I often give) but totally free.. and worse of all they think its totally fine to ask.

‘Can you throw in another 2 days shooting within the budget?’

‘Can you do it for 50 quid and some tweets?’

‘Can you do 10 days edit and we’ll pay you for 5?’

‘You have a camera, so can we borrow it for a shoot? You don’t need to be there. We’ll pick it up and return it the next day.’

The worst thing is that we are made to feel guilty if we decline the ‘offer’. It becomes OUR issue that the event can’t be shot, or covered, or catered for within the budget that the client has.

Why has this madness not been stopped? We all seem to get suckered in time after time.

Recently I did a video piece for a client. TOTALLY for free. I was promised the world in returns of PR, exposure (no pun intended) and getting my company name around the internet. This was a video for a campaign that was going to go places.. people will love it.. it will be all over the web, you’ll get press coverage, loads of hits to your site.

What do you think happened?

In short – they got a free viral that would have cost several thousand in pre and post production.. squeezed every ounce of patience out of me, then complained when I raised the issue that their campaign was a pile of piss and no one cared enough to even watch the film. 200 views on YouTube doesn’t constitute a successful campaign. I’d have got more hits in a videoof me dangling my testicles over a fence.

So good people my new years resolution is that I’m done with free. Its time we took a stand and did the same, or we will be perpetually made to feel guilty for not doing everything for nothing.

Wishing you all great business for 2010.

Here’s a video that sums it up perfectly.Enjoy!

Posted in Rants & Moans

Social Networking or Ego Massage?

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

herd

It’s been a while since I’ve had a jolly good whinge…

…So now winter looms, the evenings are drawing in darker and wetter and every single train seems to be delayed- I thought I’d pop up and spread some delicious and perhaps questionable debate about something that has been bothering me for a little while now.

I’m fast coming to the conclusion (after hours of highly scientific observation and research) that for many – the ability to boast a massive social network is a base for massaging their ego and ultimately use this network to brag to others about how big it is- possibly using it like a geeks penis extention or perhaps breast enlargement- or perhaps both.

I’ve been active on Twitter now for quite some time – I’d say I was pretty aware of the ins and outs of using it. I noticed st the start of my twourney that there was a handful of folk who were proclaiming to be ‘social media gurus’ or ‘web evangelists’. I still don’t know what the crap that means but a fellow Twittee mentioned at the time that this was the equivalent of putting ‘creative imagineer’ on a business card in the early ’90s. Basically a load of old bunkum that serves nothing but to massage the ego of the so-called ‘imagineer’.

We’ve moved on from meaningless job titles on business cards to these new kings of the social networks.

They’ve got thousands of followers hanging off their every update – what do they do? What gives them the credentials to preach their new media evangelism over the Twairwaves, or the Facebook fan pages, or the Linkedin accounts..you get the idea. I dont know what their backgrounds are – and they are usually not so forthcoming to tell us. I actually don’t get it. I see people with a mysterious skillset telling us about how good social networks are – and posting endless links to other reports and not actually making that much constructive commentary themselves.

Perhaps it’s no coincidence of the closeness in spelling Twitter has to twatter- and way way too easy to think of countless puns for these ‘social media gurus’ so I’ll avoid the trap of calling them Twatters. Or Twatterateri.

I actually don’t know what gives them the supremacy they seem to command. I observe lots of reverence but little knowledge imparted into the salivating mouths of their loyal fans. Sure- they use their network to organise events- a Moonwalk in London as a tribute to Jacko- but why? Perhaps they’ve been a devoted fan and this was the only way of consoling themselves following his death.

I’d wager this wasn’t the case though.

I actually asked the organiser why bother – no answer. I put it to him that it was because he siezed another opportunity to promote himself and his ego – but if he does have something to promote I don’t know what it is, so not a great campaign. Perhaps I’m too cynical and it was arranged purely for a bit of fun and and act of utter selflessness and that they wanted to harness their network power for the sake of others and that’s all it was. (cough)

So what is the secret? Well I think it’s down to the same old story – size. The more people you have in your network the more you can repeatedly tell them things that make you out to be a super-geek-online-hero-Jedi-Master. Keep telling people something and sooner or later they will believe you.

I have this image of these big-twitters sitting in a flat with no food, furniture, curtains or carpet. Just broadband and a laptop, yet the perception of these folk by their loyal fans is somewhat different. They seem to be accruing fans like sheep, and I just see lots of people blindly following folk like sheep because they think (and this is the key) they THINK that they will get a secret that will change their life in some way – be it through a way to ‘utilise the network’ to earn money or to get something for nothing. The reality is very different but once you’ve been trapped under their spell you can’t escape.

I was always a firm believer in quality over quantity, and to me this makes sense. Have a group of people that can directly affect your network and give you something that you don’t have. Share ideas with others and perhaps make friends, but its the quality of who you speak to, tweet to or chat online with that will help – not having an over-inflated ego and filling up their fans hard drives  with bags of manure and drivel.

I once went to a ‘networking’ event hosted by a well known married couple who run a successful ‘networking’ website, and it was their birthday celebrations. It was like sitting in a scene from the Witches of Eastwick. I was fully expecting the audience to peel off their heads to reveal some hideous creatures beneath. Admittedly some didn’t need masks- but what I heard was absolute nonsense of the highest brainwashing order. It was 2 hours of self-indulgent back-slapping banter that was nothing more than to lay praise on the founders of this site. A couple of badly produced videos thrown in for good measure too- all making out these people to be ‘life changers’. Looking at the audience it didnt appear to have helped them – every single one there selling a service, and no one buying their service- but they again touted ‘the more people you have in your network the better.’ The only thing its better for is the membership fees of their website.

It was actually bizarre and horrifically scary how this audience were in awe of these folk. If they had commanded the audience to boil each others heads they probably would. It really was that weird.

Following the speeches there was a networking session. I was approached by a clearly demented man wearing a multi patterned tweed jacket who butted into a chat I was having with someone who only had one head and looked on the surface human – he butted in and I asked what he did. His reply? ‘I do whatever you want me to do.’

I then left.

Here’s my conclusion and final thoughts. The whole social media thing is certainly  a more advanced networking  but without people actually talking face to face. – Still this is based on the paranoia caused by the need to generate new business. Its a vicious cycle of desperation.. lack of work so out you go networking, you meet others who are also looking for work, who are also desperate, you leave feeling deflated and under-valued so you look to the social networks online – full people following people who don’t help either.

My advice? Handpick who you speak to. Don’t follow the crowd. Don’t be too pushy and be yourself. You may not win new business but at least you wont be following the herd.

Posted in Rants & Moans

Ok.. so perhaps I was a little harsh

Monday, August 31st, 2009

I’m still working with the EP-1. I am determined to get more out of it and see what it can do.

Here’s a couple of snaps from over the last few weeks. I’m getting more fond of the EP-1, still unsure if I would buy it though…

Posted in Latest News, Rants & Moans

Summer’s Here…

Friday, May 29th, 2009

Seems like the sunshine is appearing a little more, so to kick off the good vibes, here’s a shot that I snapped whilst leaning in some duck poo by a lake.

daisy

Posted in Latest News, Pictures, Rants & Moans

Finally theres some sense in the world

Saturday, May 9th, 2009

Just had this sent to me. Seems to explain a hell of a lot when of comes to the question friends ask ‘what the feck is Twitter?’

Now we can answer them visually!

Posted in Latest News, Rants & Moans

My moaning legacy continues…

Thursday, April 16th, 2009

The problems I posted about with my mac are now apparently seemingly solved.. but a website has been quoting from my original post that spawned thousands others :)

Click HERE to take a look…

Posted in Rants & Moans

Thawing Nicely…but forums are VERY bad for your health!

Wednesday, February 4th, 2009

Here's to forums!

Seeing as this was the 1st week of my new website and blog launch, I thought I’d gauge some opinions in a forum I frequent. BIG mistake.

Well.. on the whole the feedback was pretty good, and the site was received well, but then the select few started to nit pick beyond all reasonable comment, and were pulling me up on things that even Ansel Adams would not have noticed, or for that matter cared about.

The actual comments were irrelevant, but what struck me was the anger and possible jealousy that some folk had towards what they perceived as a newcomer to the club.. I thought I’d just go and ask some advice.. but left feeling angry and deflated.

I’m all for hearing and taking on board feedback but I think , especially with photography that there’s an increasing trend to focus (no pun intended) on the micro analysis of every shot.. pour over each pixel and analyse each angle as if a life depended on it.

I dont ever remember people looking at 35mm negatives or slide film the same way. Just because we can doesn’t mean we have to. For me the enjoyment from digital means that I dont have to be stood in the dark and stinking of chemicals and my results are instant. its JUST as rewarding. But i think people, espcially the pros and tend to overlook one important element of the art of photography – how it looks.. on paper, or on the eye.. NOT enlarged 1000% and analyzed.

In my opinion..clients dont care what camera you use, what lens, what make, how fast your memory card is, what kind of ISO you are shooting at. They just want nice photos. True, nice cameras tend to give nice photos, but a good photographer can get good photos from an expensive camera. An excellent photographer can get  good photos from a crap camera. 

I left the forums feeling both fustrated and angry.  Too much analysis, not enough time in my life to care about pixel-peeping. If you look on my website, can you tell which of those have been taken with a 100 quid camera, and which have been taken with a 1000 quid  camera? I bet you can’t. Would you like them less once you knew? I would doubt it.

I’m thinking that forums are not such a great idea.

Posted in Latest News, Rants & Moans